The Editor [2014]

The Editor [2014]

Every bit as brilliant as other recent homage/satirical gems such as Black Dynamite, Mirageman, and Norwegian Ninja, The Editor is a treat for any fan of 70's-80's Italian giallos and zombie splatter flicks, who can take a healthy side salad of hilarity with their main course of exploitation.

Rey Ciso, the Editor and "perhaps the greatest editor the world had ever seen", loses his fingers editing the "world's longest film" and suffers a nervous breakdown.  Once healthy he returns to editing, but finds himself working on trash horror with bottom of the barrel actors.  

"If this is living, I want no part in it."

While working on his latest job, blood (and black lace) starts flowing and actors begin dropping like (four) flies (on grey velvet).  Rey continues to edit the film in his (your vice is a) locked room (and only I have the key) and he stands atop of the Inspector's case (of the bloody iris) suspect list. 

"I'm an inspector, I have to wear the same clothes every day."

"Hysterical blindness...a woman's eyes were not meant to see such things."

 Gallons of gore, nudity galore, and a hundred quotable lines make The Editor an absolute blast.   There's chainsaw hackings, kitchen knife stabbings, church wizards and spilt gizards, leather gloves and severed guts.

"I don't want to hear your wizard speak!"

"A man slapping a man, imagine that."

But also, technically, it's an extremely accomplished production.  Well seasoned horror fans will appreciate the nods to Cronenberg, Fulci, and Argento, and gialli fans will be taken aback by the brilliant crimson reds, stark teals, and cold blues draping every scene.

9/10

Gutterballs [2008]

Gutterballs...has balls...some bare camel-toe, death by 69, bowling pin rape, and a few cocks thrown in for good measure - which one gets halved, post-mortem...just in case nothing else was surprisingly shocking. My inner depraved demon rejoices.


We begin at a bowling alley pulled straight from 80's slasher heaven, where a team of foul-mouthed popped collar wannabes take on a team of skanks, punks and a tranny. When a third team shows up conveniently during the forced strip search of the tranny - fights ensue, threats are made, and our story is well under way.

The alley owner breaks the fun up and sends everyone home - instructing them to return tomorrow to make up the game. Teams leave - or do they?!?! The lead skank returns to the alley moments later to find her left behind purse...the very same purse the minions of golf shirts are holding captive for when said skank returns! Dun, dun, dun. The next 12 minutes are uncomfortable, painful, and sloooooow - while the team gang rapes our victim...shades of Last House on the Left, House on the Edge of the Park and I Spit on your Grave.


Next day arrives, and the teams are back afterhours for the game - doors are chained shut, exits no where to be found, and a killer is locked-in with them! The next hour of so is just fuckin' fantastic. Everyone we hate, dies (inventively and brutally!), everyone we want to see naked, disrobes, and the laughable twist ending we hoped for, falls right into our chubby filled lap! Need I mention that our killer wheres bowling ball bag over his head?!?! HAHA Awesome.

If you love 80's slashers and can withstand 70's style exploitation, check this mutha OUT.

9/10