Sunday, October 18, 2009

Deadgirl [2008]

I don't think it would be far fetched to assume, as loyal readers of this esteemed review blog, that you are of strict moral and ethical principles, and adhere to complete soundness in mind and body, in keeping with your impeccable taste and standards - so in full confidence I must pose a question to you - if you were so fortunate to find yourself in the discoverance of a beautiful reanimated female corpse, fully restrained and restricted, and in total secrecy and privacy...would ya fuck the rottin' bitch?!?!?  This is Deadgirl in a nutshell. *Yay!*

Whilst skipping school, best friends, and possibly experimental closet lovers, Rickie and J.T. seek out drunken fun from warm beer and an abandoned insane asylum.  It isn't long before their curiosity takes them deep into the basement; finding a naked hot chick shackled to a gurney.  Even unknowing that she is a zombie, Rickie is suspicious and cautious - J.T. wants to enter her ungently and urgently.  

It is at this pivotal moment that Deadgirl becomes a lifeless bitch.  If you're going to solely base your movie around fuckin' a zombie you should hit that shit Henenlotter style - blood, guts, laughs and ass - not a teen romance trip via coming-of-age roads through subtle social commentary landscapes with broken home destinations, that's a hot and harsh highway to ho-hum hell, and nobody bought tickets for that mmm-kay.

And if you are going to take the road less traveled, fill up the plot holes, explain the strange motives and inconsistencies, lay a solid foundation, and give those kids some condoms and lube.  I could write more, and give a better explanation to my grudges, but honestly, if these filmmakers won't take the time to do it right, then I won't either.


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