Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Teeth [2007]

Teeth is an overhyped, overrated, and if brilliant, over my head. I get the sexual coming-of-age transformation. I get the Eve, Eden & the forbidden fruit metaphor. I get the anti-sexual violence towards women statement. But with a one magic trick method of getting there, Teeth bit off more than it could chew.

Dawn is a bible-thumping virgin who's only interests have been abstinance, loving Jesus and ignoring her va-jay-jay. Good thing, cuz her love den's got cuspids, her poontang has tooth-fangs, her muff's got tusks, errr...sorry. Fast forward an hour, and her holy roller friend tries to rape her...and he ends up losing his head.

Teeth, as with blowjobs, just doesn't do it for me. Filled with uninteresting characters, unexplained motives, and a few early anti-climactic bloody crotches...by the end of them film there's really nothing to look forward to.

The actors are all very good, but to me, just not the right actors. The production is too polished to pass this off as a low-budget b-movie. And by the end of the flick...I'm still waiting for the vagina dentata snapper shot!

Dribs and drabs...a bloody cock end gets slopped from the cunny, a dog eats it, incest is always best, crabs are never good, and Christians should never be trusted.


1 comment:

Carl (ILHM) said...

This would have served better as a 15m short, tops. It is stretched well beyond the 5 gags should serve, and though its a great idea, it doesnt hold a feature length by any means. Totally agreed here