Friday, November 6, 2009

Linkeroever [2008] aka Left Bank

Why the fuck aint Belgium making more horror these days?!?!?  Along with the recent successes of Vinyan (2008) and Calvaire (2004) (two Fabrice Du Welz-ian outtings), Linkeroever proves Belgium should steer some focus away from hardcore cycling and tasty waffles, toward some seriously fucked up "cinéma fantastique"!

We open with Marie - a part 22-year old track 'n field hottie and 13 year-old Dazed & Confused-ish virgin boy...I think I just suggested a closet love of all things penis and underage - but fuck it...just watch it and you'll see...I'm moving on!  When a handicapping blood condition prevents her from training, she quickly re-involves herself with a newly found boyfriend (Bobby), whom she quickly moves in with.

The apartment - standing in the repugnant and dismal, yet highscale, Antwerp suburb - fills Marie with boredom - ironically, as Bobby has done nothing but fill her like a champ.  One of the two inevitably lead her into the case of a mysterious disappearance of their former tenant.  Not to mention, at one point, she must've cheated on Santa cuz he left a lump of coal in her furryplace (you explain it otherwise!).  Anyway, along the way a couple periods are missed, archers show up, Marie gets naked, a lot, and a giant black hole has vagina written all over it.

At a quick glace, Linkeroever is everything but horror, a train wreck of abandoned and misdirected plotlines on a track to nowhere.  Choo choo choose to take a more sharpened look, and you may just find a truly inventive and beautiful tale of rebirth and modern paganism, structured as a J-horror, however, without the jump-scares and the no long-black-haired Asian tween on a vengeance mission.

Linkeroever is incredibly shot, quite slow, well-sexed, and only reveals itself in the last few short minutes, a destination not everyone will make it to, but I did, and wasn't disappointed.


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