Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Acolytes [2008]

**(Yet another) beautiful young woman is running and screaming...and bloody...away from something terrible, we assume...because she's bloody and screaming...and running...but we can't really say for sure - but this time...it's in the fuckin' woods - so suck it**

Luckily, the cliches, (sorta) end there.  While bored, and wandering around, smoking the reefer, three teens stumble upon a suspicious character in the woods with a shovel.  For some strange reason they assuuuuuume that he must be up to some sort of no good (I see all sorts of people in the woods with a shovels and Iiiiiii can casually be on my merry way, sheesh).

Vince Shlomi, where's my ShamWow!?!?!

Well...this time, they were right.  Cuz they dug up the recently disturbed soil and find a dead body.  After mulling it over awhile they decide to track down the killer and blackmail him into killing a Romper Stomper who previously flashback raped two of the boys.  Cool!  (Hey, I'm just happy the kids didn't start fuckin' the dead girl.)  When things don't go as planned, shit hits the fan, mysteries are revealed, and arrows and knives can't stop anyone.

Acolytes is a complex thriller and one helluva an attempt from Australian, Jon Hewitt, who took a terrible slasher genre conclusion and threw in some heavy thriller story to get there - a la the hip hip modern noir Brick.  Some slick photography and beautiful Queensland gave Acolytes a credible production look and a good dose of weighty suspense and the sexyiness of Hanna Mangan Lawrence - whom I'd like to introduce "ass, the new vagina" motto to - captured and retained my attention throughout.

But while Acolytes isn't quite the regular everyday run-of-the-mill teen slasher...it is, however, a run-of-a-mill-ion or so undercharacterized trashcan twists that are rushed, hardly plausible, and force fed.  


ps - check out the poster for Jon Hewitt's next feature - simply titled "X"...deeeeeeeeelicious!

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