Friday, January 15, 2010

Paranormal Entity [2009]

Now before any virgin sniffin' nerd can pube up enough sack to belt out a comment like "Dude, don't you mean Paranormal Activity" - I'd like slide the pin back in that grenade - NO!  I leave the box-office hoggers to the pop-author bloggers - FearFinder aims to deliver the goods on shit you aint seen yet.

If Captain Obvious hasn't let you aboard the boat yet, Paranormal Entity is as blatant a ripoff as you can get.  But don't write off the trip just yet.  This copycat of the mockbusters of the film world actually aint that fuckin' bad (as it sounds).  Let me begin.

The actor formerly known as employed.

Samantha, an oatmeal lovin' hottie you'd just as happily fuck as punch, has got a bad case of the ghosties.  And no help to her are her should be on Intervention mom and unemployed yet 4-handycam ownin' brother.  Not to mention Dad's in an urn in the basement and might've touched her growin' up.  Anyway, Dad's back to do some raping and dog gone it, no video camera is gonna stop him.

Ya, it's thievery...but it wasn't MY fault.

Not exactly telling of it's ripoff-ness I know - but believe me.   If it isn't the spooky attic venture, mysterious footprints, moving furniture, closing and opening doors, poster art, sheets pulled off, day and time's the false hope and no backstory.

But Entity has at least some redeeming qualities to it's (porn-like stolen) name.  Activity's victim, Cankles McGee, is replaced by a hotter (ie a more interesting) Jennifer Carpenter knockoff (gotta stay consistent The Asylum might say!)


, she's given less annoyancees and even less clothes,

a better ending that may actually be director approved!, sleepwalking into attics is way cooler than backyards, and what's scarier than a killing ghost...than a raping, then killing ghost...even if the ghost as haunted you before...and even if they couldn't hire a proofreader.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...