Sunday, February 19, 2012

The Silent House [2010]

The Silent House, or more natively known La Casa Muda, is most likely a film you've heard rumblings about since it's 2010 festival tour through Cannes, Sitges and Stockholm, or stumbled upon after hearing of a US remake . Marketed as being filmed in one continuous shot and rumoured to be as shakey cam scary and as groundbreaking as Blair Witch and REC, none of which is true. But hey, it's a fuckin' horror film Uruguay...Urrrruuuugauuuuuay...ya. Fuck...I'm sure I've ate their soybeans and cheered against their soccer team so I felt like I owed them a once over.

Are those two mosquito bites under your shirt or are you just slightly happy to see me.

Laura and her father are a phenom tandem of house cleaners who prefer to sleep in arm chairs and show up to work up a day early. There next assignment is running a gambit with swiffers and schtickies on Nestor, a friend of the family's uninhabited country home. After Nestor leaves 'em be, they crank the clock radio and tuck it for the night.

Laura's awoken by some strange noises upstairs, which totally irks her because Nestor said don't go up there, so instead she wakes her dad and sends him up to investigate. He dies, she cries, and all the doors and windows are locked, yay. And this is where the fun and confusion starts.

Don't do it bitch, Nestor said "No.".

She tramples around the house looking for a way out whilst avoiding the entity that killed her father, hiding when necessary but not even a bird can hide in the shit-hole of a cottage. When she does an end up escaping Nestor finds her and drags her back to the house! Classic horror unrealism!

The rest of the movie is reminiscent of REC's final scenes of limited sight and flashes of attempted explanation of the lead-up of events and inevitable conclusion. But this time, first time director Gustavo Hernandez goes rogue and presents it devoid of terror, purpose and coherency.

I applaud the filmmakers for getting their creation out of the armpit of South America and into the depraved collections and film queues of horrors fans in the rest of the air-conditioned world, but that's about it.


ps - Make sure you stick around after the credits to be gifted with one more final scene of glorious ineptitude!

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