Dead In 3 Days [2006] aka In 3 Tagen Bist Du Tot

"...I know what you did last summer...errr, winter...and not quite the last one"
Synopsis: This time...our five good looking teens are in Austria. After each receive a seemingly unalarming text message, "you'll be dead within 3 days", one goes missing and the rest will shortly find themselves in similar predicaments if they walk around at night in panties, water drips from numerous faucets, they try and solve the case themselves, cops laze around, or parents have no elderly influence whatsoever.

Review:  A decent effort for a ripped-off, heavily cliched, mash-up of scenes from other horror films, but it's from Austria...so high five!?!??! Perhaps I would've enjoyed it more if I wasn't constantly clenching my fists in rage at my inability to rip out the offcenter post-chin piercing of non-hot lead actor Sabrina Reiter...looking forward to DI3D 2 skank! The most enjoyable character was killed first (a big no-no in horror), the "angry bitch" didn't get what was coming to her, and who deserves to get killed right after bending over to save a snapper?!?!? Albeit, the aquarium kill was deeeee-licious! Saving grace award goes to some excellent cinematography by
David Slama. NEEEEEEEEEEEEEXT.

5/10

Cold Prey [2006] aka Fritt Vilt

"...fuck if I know why this one isn't a strip of ass-jam."

Synopsis: Yep, another group of 20-somethings once again venture into the great outdoors for some carefree fun and merriment, until a deranged psycho, with a dispensable backstory, aims to spoil the mood by offing them indivually using a signature weapon with high fright appeal!

Review: Cold Prey succeeds by maintaining a perfectly balanced core and limiting it's attempts to stray from tried and true methodologies. If I not mistaken, Cold Prey's only originality is it's Norwegian origin. It's a slasher without gore or bodycount, it's a thriller without being overly frightening. The strong cast build likeable characters, shot in a cold and claustrophobic setting, and came out well polished and tightly constructed. Would've loved to have seen some Scandanavian nudity, a couple good kills or and at least one envelope pushed.

6/10

Rahtree: Flower of the Night [2003] aka Buppha Rahtree

An homage to The Exorcist? "Here you are Bill...a steaming bowl of ass droppings I tribute...to you."
Synopsis: Yet another young asian woman find herself meeting a tragic death, but this time our victim decides to haunt the living until her vengeance is complete!

Review: CRAAAAAAAAP. Not even worth a review, however, I'm feelin' generous and kind, so consider this ya lucky day...stay away from Rahtree. It's first third is an interesting boy stalks girl, boy fucks girl, boy fucks over girl and girl dies from excessive bleeding from the vag plot...over a dreary score...with effective dark tones and emotions to write home about. Then someone shits the bed and the next hour's nothing more than a few dozen Thai-nese running, screaming and flailing their arms in the air beacause a girl with bad make-up keeps appearing and not killing anyone. Who funds this shit? Maybe dump some of that financing coin into the country's rice industry and the world can stop worrying about the shortage. So said boy returns and we finally get our now-who-fuckin-cares-about revenge and the world is a better place again...but the cliches continues...so is it?!?!

4/10

100 Tears [2007]

"...see it just for the kneeless midget chase through the woods!"
Synopsis: Two tabloid reporters, looking for a career boosting story, find themselves on the bloody trail of the merciless carny clown and his huge, and I mean HUGE, meat cleaver.

Review: 100 Tears has been on my radar since it's gory trailer showed up at Terrorfeed.com almost 2 years ago. The acting and dialogue looked amateur, it's kills looked over-the-top and hardgore...and it couldn't have been more spot-on. The body count is stupid ridiculous and get's rollin' with the slaughter of an entire half-way house in only it's first few minutes...consider my appetite for morte dans la cinema aptly satisfied. Our clown killer is hulking, menacing and ruthless...think Capt. Spaulding without a sense of humour. Running time is short, leaving the tossed-together detective story and painful dialogue sub-scenes bearable. I can't help but think of Intruder (1989) as a quick comparable. All in all...a must-see for any self-respecting gorehound.

8/10

13 Tzameti [2005]

"In the vien of Clerks, Following and Man Bites Dog...13 Tzameti is no less than black and white gold."

Synopsis: Sebastien, a young man looking for an alternative payment method after his employer overdoses and dies, steals an envelope with mysterious instructions from the man after he overhears it's possibility to lead to great fortune. Sebastien is led into a dark and heartless world of immorality and death.

Review: 13 Tzameti is yet another example of what's missing in cine-America: originality, independance, and stylistic moulding. It's base is solidly film-noir, only without the attractive and devious femme fatale, it's structure is slow and painful, and it's execution is armchair-gripping, uncomfortable and marvellous to watch.

9/10