Friday, April 3, 2015

Nurse 3D [2013]

Nurse 3D [2013]

Abby is an experienced nurse whose job by day "is more than sticking thermometers in butts and looking pretty" and punishing cheating husbands at night.  When Abby takes newly hired Danni under her wing and into her twisted life, blood will spill, boobs will be shown, and I'll almost turn this fucker off.


From it's idiotic opening scene all the way to it's laughable clichéd ending, Nurse 3D is an overt cult hit wannabe.  But despite plenty of nudity, more than it's fair share of gore, and dark comedic undertones, Nurse 3D manages to swing and miss at every pitch, and is more insult than injury to any self-respecting horror fan.

Let's find out why...

Paz de la Huerta isn't sexy, and even further away from alluring.  Maybe from the neck down, or if she doesn't speak, but in no other way is she either.  And Nurse 3D exemplifies her punch-drunk acting and her drunk-punched face almost continuously and ineptly.  Both, in which, are bad.

Maybe the winning formula would've been less this...

...and more this.  Just sayin'.

It's attempts at dark humor come off inane and forced.  "My schedule's been murder."  So was watching this drivel, Abby.  An equally failed attempt at a back story just adds minutes to the film, not the intended explanation of a believable motive.


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