Offspring [2009]

Unless you're fuckin' new, you'd know I've been a huge fan of Jack Ketchum adaptations thus far.  The Lost (2006) was violent and offensive, The Girl Next Door (2007) was discomforting and depraved, and Red (2008) was riveting and mesmerizing.  Which brings me to Offspring - summed up, more disappointing than that one time I fell asleep during a blow job - neither experience will EVER happen to me AGAIN.

Welcome to Dead River, where every 10 years or so feral children reappear and kill local home owners employed as bad actors hoping they have a young infant cuz there's is "cursed".  When the first multiple homicide occurs this go around, the cops give up after thinking real hard for a half hour and request the help of a former detective turned drunk who's got a score to settle from 10 years ago even though he caught the band of 8yr old cannibals in their cave with stolen babies and shouldn't really have anything to prove besides sleeping without a pistol in hand stone sober.

Now don't get me wrong - I bet the fuckin' book is killer - but the whole execution and direction of this film totally shit the bed.  The most capable (and we're lead to believe lead) actor gets killed way too early, a few young kids with bad makeup and even worse wigs aren't scary, and the dialogue is delivered worse than 4am pad thai.  

At least Ketchum doesn't let us down - with some sweet kid kills, feral breast feeding and a clit gets bit then spit.  And thumbs up for some great gore effects....but still...

5/10