The Nightmare [2015]

THE NIGHTMARE [2015]

 Have you ever woken from a nightmare, not being able to move, and being visited by dark creatures appearing to steal your soul?!?!  Good, neither have the 8 dweebs, burnouts, psycho-broads, and foodstampers featured in Rodney Ascher's new documentary exploring the made-up phenomenon of sleep paralysis.

Featured stars aside, THE NIGHTMARE also co-stars absolutely not a single clinical researcher or doctor.  Only the director himself, joining these sufferers, "thank you for being here freaks...now, show me on the skeleton where the shadow people touched you."

The documentary goes through the early stages of the condition, how it progresses, and what the afflicted have done to lessen the episodes.  Each segment ends with a visual fictional interpretation, which I've been told that some find extremely scary.

But I really can't figure out what's scary about metaphysical creatures showing up in someone's bedroom and not doing anything...sure there was one guy who claimed a stuffed toy vending machine claw grabbed his dick and the fat girl assured us that she was demon raped...yet didn't feel a thing...to me it just sounds like someone forgot to do their kegels after a 6 month relationship with a BBD.

The subjects themselves, outside of 1, seem incredibly discreditable.  So I can't fathom how anyone would find this believable.  Especially when most were self-diagnosed by the internet, and the commonalities (red eyes, figure with a hat, shadowy beings) of the beings visiting them could entirely be group influenced.

And when one of your subjects draws you a picture like this and says this is what visits me at night, you pack up your shit and find yourself your next victim.  

All the garbage aside, THE NIGHTMARE is in fact visually stunning.  The lighting, set design and shadowy beings are breathtakingly beautiful on screen.  Thumbs up to that dude.

5/10

Hush [2016]

HUSH [2016]

 It has been 10 years since a home invasion horror captivated me so intensely, when ILS (2006) used its set pieces, mysterious antagonists, and rural setting so effectively that it made nights alone at the cottage almost pathetically unbearable.  Nights were scary, mysterious unmotivated killers were scary and silence was scary, and HUSH takes the latter to its limits.

Maddie is deaf mute living on her own in a secluded cabin while she completes her next big suspense novel.  What seemed like an ordinary day turns into a hellish night when a killer arrives and choose her for his next game of cat and mouse.

HUSH opens with a quick synopsis of the life of a deaf mute but actually does this is a very non-cliche and non-forced way.  Director/writer Mike Flanagan could have easily and unknowingly fell victim to the "gimmick opening", where filmmakers use the opening scenes to explain and describe the set of parameters the movies characters will be limited by, or a summation scene like STAR WARS's opening crawl text.  But instead he uses intense sounds and zoomed-in visuals to create the world of deaf mute, not unlike the brilliant opening of television's DEXTER.  

HUSH comes in at a lean 81 minutes and 70 of those minutes is an edge-of-your-seat, heart-pounding thrill ride full of intense scares, unexpected twists, changing upper hands, and ultra-real resolve.  At no point did the film use the characters disability as a crutch in which the suspense depended on, it only built from it.  Nor did it seem like a film trying to exploit a gimmick.  It all just seemed a part of the package.

[Spoiler Start] One knock on HUSH was the shockingly early unmasking of our masked killer.  And I've toiled with the would I have or wouldn't I have if I was at the film's helm.  But I think Flanagan does this on purpose, not knowing the identity of our killer would be playing on the minds of viewers until that moment he's revealed, and what a let down that would be to find out he's no one.  I'm sure unmasking him early took a little less scare out of "The Man" but if it took a lot of risk out of the inevitable letdown viewers would have felt having him without a backstory it was worth the cost.[Spoiler End]

The SFX team also knocked one out of the park.  We see mangled hands, corkscrew caverns, and brick to head bashes to go along with the regular stabbings and crossbow punctures.  

Smart script, great scares, good gore.  What more can you ask for?  Highly recommended.

8/10

Bite [2015]

Bite [2015]

 Despite showcasing some of the best body-horror SFX of the 2010's, BITE falls short in almost all other components of an effective and successful modern horror.

"It's been awhile...is this you or me?"

Sex starved Casey and her two bridesmaids venture down to Costa Rica for a little "let loose-ing" before she gets married by her mother-in-law controlled fiancee.  It isn't long before she gets all SEX AND THE CITY'd up on margaritas and pina colodas, cheats on her investment banker, and gets bit by the mysterious swimming, flying, super dragonfly.  Shortly after arriving home she is as horny as ever, grows a tail, and barfs bubble tea.

"Casey, what happened to you?  And why am I ignoring the obvious these insect orgy apartment decorations?!?!"

Severely hindered by an amateurish script, plasticine actors and zero subtance BITE hobbles along in between incredible special effect pieces which carry the film past mediocrity.  BITE's attempts at dark humor are childish and head shake inducing.  And lead actress, Elma Bergovic, can't save it with her creepy eye contacts and neck twitch method acting.

"Honey, we're expecting...millions."

It worth a looksy for any horror completist, but is an easy pass for anyone looking for the next big thing in horror.  

5/10

The Other Side of the Door [2016]

The Other Side of the Door [2016]

Review in a jiffy:

Failed attempt at creating an effective Asian ghost story because pianos are awesome, white people aint scary, and we all love Old Greg.  

 Possible Working Titles:

White Woman No Listen

Daddy Never Home

Trope-a-meter!

5/10

Let Us Prey [2014]

Let Us Prey [2014]

Although not any small component of Brian O'Malley's feature length debut, Let Us Prey, is Earth shatteringly great, it's a complete and genuinely satisfying package of gore and blood, gripping tension, interesting story and capable cast.

In a town where it seems every criminal, citizen and police officer is a murderer, a Grim Reaper-like figure arrives to ensure "that the price of our sins is paid for in blood".  A first day on the job officer is left to piece together the mystery of the entity and the darkest secrets of everyone in the station.

Possibly describable as Assault On Precinct 13 (1976) where the terror is actually inside the police station, Let Us Prey was a treat to watch.  O'Malley knows how to build the characters, pace the story, and put the foot down on the gas pedal when necessary; not to mention how to deliver some truly epic level kills.

Despite all of the entertainment value of Let Us Prey, it's a shallow pool of water.  There is little to no originality, and nothing presented or hinted at outside of the narrative.  But sometimes that's all a horror film needs to be, entertaining.  So if you can shut your brain off, handle a healthy dose of violent death, and swallow a truly absurd ending Let Us Prey is totally worth spending an hour and a half on.

7/10

Horsehead [2014]

Horsehead [2014]

Romain Basset's feature length debut is an atmospheric and visually stunning film to watch, but to sit through, that's a completely different endeavour.

While away at school Jessica studies within the field of psychophysiology with an emphasis on lucid dreams (dreaming while being aware that you're dreaming), an interest prompted by her lifelong troubles of inescapable nightmares.  At the request of her mother, Jessica returns home for the first time in 3 years to attend the wake of her late grandmother.  

Possibly provoked by longstanding questions surrounding the mystery of her biological father and a strained relationship with her mother Jessica becomes feverishly ill and her nightmares worsen. 

When her lucid dreams begin the to suggest answers to her deeply embedded family mysteries she's lead toward a downward spiral where dreams and reality intertwine and things buried become uprooted.

If Argento-ish color, visual artistry, gallons of blood, and a pulsing score were the only ingredients needed for an epic horror The Strange Color Of Your Body's Tears (2013) wouldn't have been a complete failure.  

But Horsehead is drunk with symbolism, proposes more questions than answers, and the score's more disruptive than menacing.  No matter how many creepy stepdads, incestual imaginings, It's a classic case of style over substance.  

6/10

The Editor [2014]

The Editor [2014]

Every bit as brilliant as other recent homage/satirical gems such as Black Dynamite, Mirageman, and Norwegian Ninja, The Editor is a treat for any fan of 70's-80's Italian giallos and zombie splatter flicks, who can take a healthy side salad of hilarity with their main course of exploitation.

Rey Ciso, the Editor and "perhaps the greatest editor the world had ever seen", loses his fingers editing the "world's longest film" and suffers a nervous breakdown.  Once healthy he returns to editing, but finds himself working on trash horror with bottom of the barrel actors.  

"If this is living, I want no part in it."

While working on his latest job, blood (and black lace) starts flowing and actors begin dropping like (four) flies (on grey velvet).  Rey continues to edit the film in his (your vice is a) locked room (and only I have the key) and he stands atop of the Inspector's case (of the bloody iris) suspect list. 

"I'm an inspector, I have to wear the same clothes every day."

"Hysterical blindness...a woman's eyes were not meant to see such things."

 Gallons of gore, nudity galore, and a hundred quotable lines make The Editor an absolute blast.   There's chainsaw hackings, kitchen knife stabbings, church wizards and spilt gizards, leather gloves and severed guts.

"I don't want to hear your wizard speak!"

"A man slapping a man, imagine that."

But also, technically, it's an extremely accomplished production.  Well seasoned horror fans will appreciate the nods to Cronenberg, Fulci, and Argento, and gialli fans will be taken aback by the brilliant crimson reds, stark teals, and cold blues draping every scene.

9/10