4bia [2008]

"A mixed-bag of Asian horror...unoriginal, yet effective and satisfying."

Synopsis:  A 4-part anthology from Thai directors Youngyooth Thongkonthun, Paween Purikitpanya, Banjong Pisanthanakun and Parkpoom Wongpoom.  "Happiness" - A young woman is cooped up in her apartment due to a broken leg, when she becomes increasingly interested in a mysterious text messager. When the messages become more and more aggressive - fear, panic and horror ensues.  "Tit For Tat" - A young boy is relentlessly bullied by a group of schoolmates to to the point that ultimate retaliation is his only option.  "In The Middle" - Four teenagers embark on a trip of camping and white water rafting. When one of the boys goes missing after a down river accident, the boys must cope with the loss of a friend and the neverending fear created by themselves.  "The Last Fright" - A flight attendent is summoned to escort a single passenger from A to B, and then back again. The only catch is the passenger has a personal vendetta with the flight attendant and won't stop her vengeful plot, not even when she dies before the return flight.

Review:  "Happiness" is ultimately an unoriginal formulaic technological-device jump-scare film with few redeeming qualities; however, it's short runtime, basic yet tight construction and compressed nature make it successful.   There is little time to breathe or to pick apart it's flaws before it's over - concluding with it's predictable twist ending.  The tried and true methods have worked before and work again here.  "Tit For Tat" is pretty f'n weak.  From it's thrown together plot, piss-poor non-frightening CGI, and only a couple of redeeming scenes, it's easily the bad beer of the case.  "In The Middle" could quite easily be the funniest movie I have ever seen in a theatre.  In The Middle is cleverly written and hilariously acted by it's incredibly animated cast of misfits.  It mocks the genre, mocks it's continent of original and even mocks itself.  "The Last Fright" takes off where Happiness was left.  The story has shades of The Twilight Zone, and uses the same aforementioned jump-scare tactics used so often in Asian horror cinema.   A fun and frightening finale to the efforts from an ensemble of young Thai horror directors, that we haven't heard the last of I'm sure.

7/10

End of the Line [2006]

"If nothing more, a valiant Canadian effort"

Synopsis: On her way home from work, Karen, a pysche-ward nurse, is aboard the last subway of the night when it suddenly stops, and a band of fanatic religious extremists begin a slaughtering rampage on any non-converted non-conformist. Karen, and a group of survivors, must escape the crucifix-dagger weilding killers and the cold dark depths of the underground tunnels.

Review: It's not often that I'm completely torn between opposite ends of the crap-gold spectrum, but End of the Line has me in this piss-off of a predicament. It's beginning is not unlike recent efforts in asian-horror, an opening jump scare, a gruesome death, haunting images of the supernatural, a heavy stringed score, and a dark and atmospheric setting. Awesome! The successful formula hasn't been used so effectively in North American cinema since What Lies Beneath?. It isn't long after this mood has set in before Quebecois writer/director Maurice Deveraux says "Faaack...YOU" and 180's the story into a stalk and slash tale of radical bible thumpers gone wild (but only if your married). Which I would have minded a lot more if he didn't deserve leaping high-fives and praisful good-job butt-pats for some brilliant gore and brutal violence - including a de-cap to esteem-at and a ma and pa kodak moment with their unborn fetus...the depraved shall rejoice! Keep it mind, that this doesn't save the story. The implausible degree of chaos in the world above and beyond the tunnels loses most of the believability of the plot, and therefore it's "what if..." effectiveness. When all is said and done, the film then double backs to it's opening origins and attempts to provide an underlying meaning for what we've just experienced. I'll leave it's level of achievement for you to decide.

7/10

Brain Dead [2007]

"In the decade of remakes...this familiar title, however, is not (and can I say unfortunately?)."

Synopsis:  A group of mostly young Americans take shelter in a run-down fishing lodge when they are terrorized by a slug-like alien amoeba that takes over it's human host by living in and slowly devouring their brains, vommiting on others to spread the infection, creating more mutant zombie-like monsters.

Review:  This fun and gory rollercoaster is quite the ride, albeit a not too unfamiliar one. Camouflaged by one-line zingers and heavy chested beauties all too eager to show off their bountiful boosoms, it's borderline ripoff (Slither), but notwithstanding entertaining and satisfying.  Many recent horrors have called themselves "throwbacks" or "old school" (Hatchet), but never got the formula right - Brain Dead is pulled straight from the 80's recipe book and was baked to tasty goodness.  The gore is truly 80's style, exploding deaths, bodily fluids gushing galour, and need I say - no death-by-CGI (unless absolutely necessary).  Add in a few jump scare moments, a snapper shot, lesbian skinny dipping, and total unorginality...makes it a must-see for cheese lovers, but should be avoided at all costs by anyone seeking breaths of fresh air or intellect on any level.

7/10

Let The Right One In [2008] Låt den rätte komma in

"...fence-sitting between the yards of brilliant and remarkable..."

Synopsis:  Oskar, a shy and bullied boy finds friendship and reliance in Eli, a vampire whom he meets in his apartment courtyard.

Review:  Let The Right One In...fence-sitting between the yards of brilliant and remarkable...may just be a perfect horror movie - if I may be so bold to actually place it into a single genre - transcending itself above and beyond any recent effort I can think of - including the visceral Inside, the shocking Martyrs, and the frightening [REC].  But how it manage to do it, is what's most impressive.  Child actors, astory true-to-the-myth yet original, implied violence, no off-the-wall special effects or crafty editing, a love story with coming-of-age undertones and an almost put-a-gun-to-my-head drawnout pacing are only a handful of the hurdles director Tomas Alfredson and writer John Ajvide Lindqvist overcame effortlessly.  And not unlike [REC], it brilliantly leaves so many questions left unanswered, an unfortunately underutilized technique, to keep it stained on your brain for days, however Let The Right One In even manages to do this seemlessly.   Let The Right One In is chilling, dark and stylish.  The Leon-esque characters, 30 Days of Night setting and Stand By Me realism keep you captivated.  It ever forward marches; on a solemn path of loneliness and meloncholy, and it is on this relatable ground, we all walk together.

10/10

13: Game of Death [2006]

"An interesting attempt from an uninteresting cinematic country in an already diluted genre..."

Synopsis:  Pusit is in the shits; having just lost his job, his girl, his car and is neck deep in debt.  All his luck seems to change when a game show calls offering big money for relatively simple tasks, but when the challenges become more and more severe, dangerous and all too familiar, his world spins out of control and he may just lose everything he had left. 

Review:  I don't want to spend too much time on this one, even though it did have some redeeming qualities.  13 is chalk full of plotholes, dull characters, uninventive shock moments and the all too notorious "we just picked you randomly" (so it could happen to anyone) motiveless storyline.  The pacing was good and was co-anchored by the almost spot-on comedic timing...the children's daycare scene was HILARIOUS!  If you have an hour 1/2 to kill, giv'er a whirl, just don't expect too much and everyone will get home safely.

5/10

Martyrs [2008]

"Erotica is not porn, and Martyrs is not torture porn."

Synopsis:  Lucie, a young woman subjected to an arduous childhood of pain and suffering, returns to the home of the family who abused her with on revenge on her mind.  Her vengeful outing leads her to her fate, and her best friend and consoler into the life of which she escaped from.

Review:  Martyrs is undeniably brilliant.  It has haunted me for days and I still can't shake the thoughts and emotions ingrained in my head for long enough to write an in depth review.  Martyrs is really two films in one, both unmistakenly different.  The first half is a high-paced, emotionally charged, kill-fest that packs a fuckin' punch like you wouldn't believe.  The second half is an emotionally draining and mind numbing slowed-down transcendant trek of tortuous abuse that leads to an almost unwatchable ending.  At parts it's scarier than [REC], more brutal than Inside and grotesquely more beautiful than Aftermath.  I've seen this film make viewers cower in their seat, vomit at their feet and remain speechless and motionless for minutes.  It's an experience.  It's a masterpiece.  It's unforgetable.

10/10

Zibahkhana [2007] aka Hell's Ground

"He's a shit sweeper's son, and always will be!"

Synopsis:  Five Pakistani youths set forth, unbenounced to their parents, on a road trip with a concert as their destination.  En route the group is diverted off course and end up smack dab in the middle of a infectuous outbreak of zombie-like flesh-eaters and a family of ritualistic killers.

Review:  What was marketed as "Pakistan's first gore film" hopefully won't be it's last, but I'm praying it's Omar ali Khan's last.  Hell's Ground is a mess.  The story layout is confusing as Hell; the first third plays out like a comedy, which rolls into a environmental subtexted zombie reel in the middle third and the final sequence showcases a killer-family slasher survival led by a sheet-wearing spikey-ball twirler.  I'm befuddled.  The frame-to-frame inconsistancies, cycled screen shots, piss poor sound effects and homages that seemed more blantant ripoffs were laughable.  The shameless Mondo Macabro plug and Rehan cameo, however, I did love!  The cast was decent, as to was the dialogue between them...confusing as the half English half Urdu was.  A disappointment at best.

4/10

p.s. - If you can clearly hear your attacker breathing, he's more times than not, not dead.  Holy fuck.